A Humble Thank You

Preface
I'm not what you would call an overtly religious person, if there is such a thing. I have strong beliefs. I was raised in a Christian home. But I don't go to church every week like I did growing up. My Bible has been collecting dust on my bookshelf for years. And all my prayers are said in private, and I keep them to myself. Does that make my relationship with God any less than if I did all those things? I don't think so (but that's a whole theological/philosophical discussion that is way bigger than what I want to say here). What I'm trying to get at is, what I'm about to say may surprise some of you because this message is coming from a deep place that I don't expose to many people. I'm also a private person, and writing this blog post isn't "normal" behavior for me. But I feel compelled to share this. So here it goes....

My Thank You
Today I feel incredibly, overwhelmingly humbled by the grace of God. Almost epiphany-like. I thank God nearly every day for all the good things in my life. I know I am lucky and incredibly blessed to have this life and be surrounded by so many wonderful people. I try never to forget where all these good things come from. That said, today I feel......small. The awesomeness of His power has just completely stunned me in the last week or so. I'm speechless and so very humbled by the things He's doing in my life.

Let me back up for a sec.

Compared to a lot of people, I've had a fairly easy life. I'm not ignorant to that. But that's not to say it has been or is always "easy." Nothing in life is ever easy. It's one of our earliest life lessons -- everything in life has a price, it has a consequence, and nothing is handed to us on a silver platter. And one of the hardest life lessons for me has been this: even when you try your hardest and do your best, it still may not be enough.

That, my friends, is a tough pill to swallow. Especially for someone like me who believes you should get what you deserve. That is, if you work hard enough, you should get what you want or what you set out to achieve. If I do everything I'm supposed to, I should get favorable results. Sadly, it just doesn't work that way. And I don't think I fully understood that until well into my 20s. Maybe even mid 20s. Ah, who am I kidding. I didn't fully understand that until maybe a year or so ago.

Life. Isn't. Fair.

It's a message we hear from a very young age, starting with mom and dad when we don't get what we want. And it's a message that rings true for the rest of our lives. Nothing in life is fair. And sometimes, let's be honest, it just plain sucks. I've learned to take the good with the bad. To stay positive. To look on the bright side. To take every bad experience and find a lesson to be learned or an opportunity to better myself. But even in doing these things, I get angry. I get sad. I get frustrated when things don't go my way; when the plans I've laid out for myself don't come to fruition. I'm not proud to admit that I've had many "why me?" moments with God. I've never blamed Him, but I have questioned Him. Many times. And today I feel completely embarrassed by ever having done that. Because today I realized (not for the first time, mind you, but in a "how many times do I have to hit you over the head" kind of way) that He was always listening. And He was answering my prayers, it just wasn't in an obvious "here it is on a silver platter" kind of way. I should have known better.

Now, back to the present.

The last week or so has been absolutely amazing.

1) We find out we're having a boy and, so far, he's healthy and doing great.

2) After a year on the market, we get two offers (two!) in a 24-hour period. One pans out better than we expected and we sell our house! YAY!

3)  David finds out he passed his third and final CFA exam!! He's worked so incredibly hard for 4.5 years to earn his CFA designation. Finally....FINALLY....he's done for good. I know he stuck with it for so long because he wants to do great things in his career. He's always been very motivated and goal-driven. But I think he also did it for the betterment of our family. And I am so so SO proud of him.

On top of these really big things, this week we finished our baby registries (which, I'm sorry, is just not fun. I found it stressful and overwhelming and I did not enjoy it. But we got it ALL done in two days, and I'm SUPER relieved). We also found a daycare that we LOVE. After looking at two that were just so-so, I was getting to be discouraged about returning to work and leaving our son in daycare five days a week. But today we found THE perfect daycare for him (and us!). And, lucky us, they have two (only two!) spots available for the end of March. Thank goodness I'm a planner because had we waited any longer (heck, I'm only 4.5 months!) we would've been out of luck.

Everything is just falling into place. Or should I say, I finally see how His plan is falling into place. Anyway, I just can't believe all the good things that have come our way recently -- not just daycare, and registries, and passing tests (that would be silly!). But all the experiences (more than I'd care to share here) over the last weeks, months, and years combined....all of them, good and bad, I owe 100% to the Big Guy. And I know this streak of ours won't last, but we sure are enjoying it while we can. If anything, it has definitely set off a light bulb in my head:

"Aha, He hasn't failed me. He hasn't ignored my prayers. He has always been looking out for me. And I never should have doubted that."

I'll consider it another lesson learned.

Categories: life or something like it, matters of the mind